Fuck you, fuck you very, very much.

I'm just gonna start out with the "dear anonymous" facebook post I have.


Dear Anonymous,

Fuck. You.
You say you're so happy I'm in your life.
You say you brag to your friends about me.
You call me beautiful.
You tell me all about how your ex ruins your life.
AND THEN YOU GET BACK WITH HER.
After saying you really hope that something happens with us.
Not even six hours after you tell me you want to hold me.
Not even a whole day after saying you think I'm the one.
Well, guess what.
I fucking hate you.
And I hope you fucking understand when I don't answer your messages.
Scum.




SO LET ME JUST RAGE ABOUT THIS GUY.
We started working together, and he's like, "hey, I'm gonna follow you on twitter." 
Oh, okay?
Whatever. I never get on there.
So we start taking through twitter, and he's all like, 
"hey, snapchat me."
Mmkay.
Whatever. I don't really care.
This kid is a little weird.
THEN HE'S ALL LIKE 
"HEY YOU SHOULD TEXT ME."
So I give him my number.
AND FUCKER STARTS TALKING TO ME.
Okay, so talking to him wasn't so bad.
It's when we started flirting.
He admitted he thought I was cute,
And I was all, 
"Yeah, I thought you were cute, too."
AND THEN WE JUST START FLIRTING 
And he tells me about how he hates when his ex starts shit with him
WHICH IS LIKE EVERY FUCKING DAY.
Something upsets him.
I'm there to help.
No big deal.
So I start thinking I like this guy,
And he starts calling me babe, baby, honey...
What are we, a married couple? 
He says he can't wait to see what we'll be.
And he just seemed to care so much.
He said he was bragging about me to his friends.
Too cute, right?
WELL THEN I GET ON TWITTER
And he said on there, "giving in."
What?
Huh?
So I check back in a few, 
AND HE JUST GOT BACK WITH HIS EX.
THE ONE THAT STARTS SHIT WITH HIM EVERYDAY.
WHAT THE FUCK.
So here I am, raging, at almost one in the morning
BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT.
NOT SIX HOURS AGO HE CALLED ME BABE.
NOT SIX HOURS AGO HE SAID HE WANTED TO HOLD ME.
What the fuck ever.
Matthew Stock, 
Go fuck yourself.
Thanks for nothing.

My Dad is Better Than Your Dad.

Just watch and laugh at my dad.
Dancing to Thrift Shop by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. :)

A Wish

Babe.
Honey.
I'm here for you.
Need a shoulder to cry on?
I'm here.
Need to go off
Because he really pissed you off
Again?
I'm here to tell you
Just how stupid he is.
And I hate
The way you feel
About yourself,
And I know it sucks,
Because I feel
The same way.
And I wish
You could see
How BEAUTIFUL
Everyone thinks you are.
You're out of their league,
That's why,
It seems you
Can never get a date,
They know
You deserve better
Than they could give you.
And the meds?
And the weight?
Babe, I'm here with you.
I have the same thing
Going on,
And you need to know,
That I'm always here.
Just a phone call away.
You're in my favorites
On my phone
So if you call after midnight,
My phone will still ring
For you,
And I'll wake up,
And I'll talk
About whatever it is
That you need.
I love you,
And I hate to see you upset,
And I just wish
We could both get over our "sick"
And be normal,
And not have to worry
About the damn meds,
Or the fucking weight.
Or even dumb ass boys.
My weekends with you
Are the reason
I wake up in the morning.
We need a vacation,
Together,
All alone,
To just be happy.
I love you so much.
<3

There's a Stye in My Eye! And Other Weird Things Happening To My Body.

Well,
I've been sick.
For a month.
I had a fever of 101.5 one day,
And completely normal temperature the next day.
And when it was high,
I felt fine.
But as it came down,
Well,
I felt worse.
And it really sucked.
So I went to the doctor.
And he said,
"Well,
You have a virus in you.
And you get over it,
And then get exposed to it again."
So I had no medicine.
Lame.
As.
Fuck.
Ugh.
Okay, so I'll just stay sick for awhile.
No big deal.
THE DAY AFTER I GO TO THE DOCTOR
My eye starts hurting.
Like a bitch.
I mean,
It fucking hurt.
So my mom said,
"It's a stye."
Awesome.
Then, my knee starts hurting.
And it hurts to move.
So I take advil.
Sweet.
Two advil before school,
Two after,
And if I work out,
Two after that.
And then yesterday,
The stye is gone from my eyelid.
BUT NOW IT'S ON THE BOTTOM OF MY EYE AND IT HURTS EVEN WORSE.
Grrrrr,
I'm so sickly.
But hey,
Less school time,
More Skyrim time.
I guess I just have to look at the positives.
And realize I'll be 18 in just 19 days.
So exciting.
I'll be out clubbing all night.
Or going to Build-A-Bear.
Yeah.
That sounds nice.
:)

Valentine's Day and the Huge Fuck Up

No.
I hate this.
I really hate this.
I don't understand this.
Nothing is quite right.
I hate Valentine's day.
No matter how much I plan,
How much I try,
I still
FUCK. IT. UP.
Messed up.
Completely.
Wake up late? Yup.
That's what I did.
Dawdle too much? Yup.
I really did.
I'm just so over it.
Over this day.
Over this year.
Over everything.
If I make it through the next week,
It will be a huge milestone,
But I don't know.
I've been on 4 different medications
In the last year.
I want to be better.
And I want to be off this damn medication.
I want to be normal.
But that's impossible.
Not after this last year.
Fuck this last year.
I'm done.
Just done.
I just can't keep doing it.
I need more help.
But how do I do that,
When everyone thinks I'm better?
How do I ask for more help,
When my parents have dropped
Over $1,000 on me in the last year
To get me help?
It just isn't fair to everyone
That I need everything
And take everything away
From everyone else.
I don't know what to do.
And I don't care.
Or want to care.
Or need to care.

Stretching Your Dollar and Reaching Pro Status

Last weekend,
Me and my best friend hung out.
Normal, right?
Nope.
We went shopping.
And had dinner.
And two snacks.
And we only spent 44 dollars.
We were gone from 5 to midnight.
Here's the breakdown.
(prices aren't all correct, but estimations. I ended up with around 13 extra dollars, but I don't know the price of some items, so things won't come out perfectly.)

2 dinners at Steak 'N Shake ($15)
5 Incense sticks ($1.22)
1 Incense burner ($2)
1 Speedway Fountain Drink ($1)
1 Water bottle ($1.39)
1 Cinnasticks from Cinnabon ($?)
1 Cinnabon fountain drink ($?)
2 pairs of matching undies ($2.39 each)
1 Fancy Water ($?)
1 Hot Chocolate ($1.39)
1 Cheeseburger ($1)
1 Large Fry ($1.38)
1 Lottery Scratch off ($1)
-----------------------------------------------------------

I don't  know about you, but this seems really successful, seeing as how we each started with around 20 dollars each when it came to going out.
And I must say, if I could do it all again,
I totally would.(:

Finding Nemo and The Worst French Student Ever.

Instead of paying attention in class today,
I drew pictures.
Because French was boring.
Here are the pictures.
Cool, right?

Kleenex Mountain and The Worst Cold Ever.

With the constantly changing weather,
I'm always sick.
If it's not strep throat,
It's something along those lines.
My sinuses are a total bitch, too.
I mean,
One night, I'm perfectly okay,
Then the next day,
I have a Kleenex mountain next to my bed.
My last cold,
I'm pretty sure lasted for 3 weeks.
My sister brought it home,
And we were all miserable for forever, it seemed.
I actually got to stay home sick for two days because of a fever.
I never stay home sick unless I'm puking,
So you know it had to be bad.
Not to mention,
With it being so cold and dry,
I get nose bleeds.
Sometimes multiple times a day.
Which just adds to the Kleenex mountain.
(I clean it up, don't get me wrong, but when you barely move for two days, they just kind of stay in a pile until you get around to cleaning it up, right?)
I'm still making up schoolwork from when I was gone.
And with it being two degrees outside,
I really don't care to do anything but sleep.
Sorry, Mister French Teacher.
I haven't even studied for the test I missed three weeks ago.
Deal with it. Kay thanks.
I'm really not that much of a bitch,
I just don't wanna learn French.
I'd rather have a second study hall to sleep through.
Oh well.
But yeah.
Kleenex mountain sucks.
Stay away from germs and wash your hands.(:
-- A Public Service Announcement From Yours Truly--(:*

Fat Lips and The End of The World.

So, guys,
I managed to get a fat lip.
It's lovely, really.
I was wrestling with my dog.
And as I went to fall on top of him,
He shot his head up so fast,
And headbutted me.
And now I have the most lovely fat lip going.
Two minutes after it happened;

Five minutes after it happened;

And an hour after it happened;

Needless to say,
It hurts like a bitch.
And my dog was so sad after it happened,
He came up and kissed me right away,
As if to say,
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!"
And his puppy dog eyes are so big,
And I just couldn't be mad.
But the pain felt like the end of the world.
Thank god I don't have school tomorrow....

Here's a picture of my puppy,(:

UPDATE;
Three hours later;

Forever and Almost Always.

What happened to those times?
You know the ones I'm talking about.
The ones where no one cared what happened.
You were always friends.
And you always cared about the other person.
Yeah, you'd be pissed at them.
But you still couldn't imagine losing them.
But now, it seems you just lose someone every day.
No matter how hard you try.
Then you realize,
It doesn't matter.
And you'll only ruin your own life if you keep trying to get them back.
And it's totally not worth it,
Because you're more important than that.
And I know,
Everyone says that all that matters is you,
And you never want to believe them,
But you need to,
Because these are the people that really care about you,
And want to see you happy.
If anyone drops you for no reason,
Good.
They were probably just holding you back, anyway.
And yeah, it hurts at first,
And you don't think it could get any worse,
But it could be worse,
But it does get better.
And you will be happy,
And you will laugh again,
And be scared shitless,
And even cry,
Happy tears, sad tears,
All are normal,
And I can't wait until you can say,
"I made it through everything."
Because you have.
And that's better than anything,
And I love you.


---- A special message to my friend.----

Pomegranates.

Well. Let's see.
Pomegranates are fruits, if I'm not mistaken.
And I'll be honest, I hate everything about the word, thing, place.
Yes, place.
Pomegranate Health Systems.
The place I spent 5 days after probably the worst week of my life.
I know that tons of teenagers have at least thought of suicide, but would never extensively think about HOW to do it.
It's a really scary thought.
And it's even more scary when you are absolutely positive that you don't want to die.
And when you really don't want to die, why is that all you think about?

Let's go back a moment.
To where this started.
Well, not where it started.
But where it ended up after it started.
We're at an earlier point in the story, but it's still in the middle.

I was in therapy since 8th grade.
Long story.
But junior year, she thought I seemed a little ADHD.
No big deal, right?
Right.
So me and my parents go to the doctor, and tell him what my therapist says.
And he puts me on a medicine.
Okay.
No big deal.
I'll be tired, that's normal.
But I should be able to focus in school.
That's what we were trying to get at, anyway.
The first 5 days seemed fine.
I started the next higher dose as I was told.
I did as I was told.
But then I hit my dog.
And I hated myself.
And I didn't want to do anything but cry.
And I only wanted to sleep.
And I didn't want to ever wake up again.
And one night before bed,
God, that night before bed,
I thought, "Hey. Jumping out of my window might get me hurt enough to be in the hospital for awhile."
"Hey. Hurting yourself would get you away from all this pain."
My boyfriend at the time didn't quite understand,
And wasn't much help,
And we broke up soon after.
And the next night, Valentine's Day, I cried.
I cried all night.
And almost walked myself to the hospital,
In freezing cold weather.
Because I didn't know what to do.
Earlier that night in the shower, I thought, "Hey. Pretend to slip and fall. And hit your rib cage on the side of the tub. That seems less obvious."
I went to school, and had a chemistry lab I hadn't started because I was sick.
It involved hydrochloric acid.
So I thought, "Better not spill that on yourself. And watch your flesh burn."
So I was scared. And I almost cried.
And that was the day my grandpa had died, 11 years ago.
We went to his grave after probably the longest day of school ever.
And we paid our respects to him.
And left.
Then I went to therapy.
I had been holding out until then.
How does one tell their family they've been wanting to hurt themselves?
I curled up on the white couch with a fleece blanket, and right as my mom started to walk out, I cried.
And I came clean.
And I told them everything,
About the window,
Hitting my dog,
Breaking a rib,
Hydrochloric acid.
Everything.
We were all crying.
And I was told I had to go to the emergency room.
So we went.
And I cried, and my mom cried.
And they were asking me questions until 2 in the morning.
And I couldn't even hold my baby blanket.
And when I finally got to sleep,
At 2 in the morning.
At 6 in the morning,
I had to wake up.
A lady came in,
"Wake up, honey. We're taking you to Pomegranate."
I did as I was told.
I walked to the stretcher,
And let them strap me in,
And I took my first ambulance ride,
To a mental health facility.
Where I got put on depression meds,
And made a few friends.

Pomegranate wasn't the bad part of the experience,
But every time I hear the word,
I think back to how terrible everything was for a full week of my life,
And how if I hadn't had the guts to say something,
I might not be here.

My sister wrote me a letter the first day I was in there,
Because she had to stay late at work,
And couldn't make it.
She told me about how she was so proud of me,
Because the hardest thing to do is ask for help.
And how I was her hero,
Because she didn't think she would be able to do that,
If she were in the same situation.

And I think back,
And I am so thankful for everyone in my life,
Because without them,
I might not have had the courage,
To tell anyone.
At all.

Anxious.

I have anxiety.
It's a part of me.
It's a part of everybody, but more so me than others.
I have social anxiety.
I didn't want to go to school for my senior year.
But that's normal, right? No one wants to go to school?
Nope. It's not normal.
I wanted to be home schooled.
So I wouldn't have to be around people.
I didn't even wanna be around my family.
But hell, they're annoying anyway.
But I didn't even wanna eat dinner with my parents.
I didn't wanna leave the house.
The world made me sick.
It made me upset.
It made me angry.
I hated it.
But I got help.
And I'm in school.
And I'm happy. (For the most part.)
And I want you to know,
Whoever you are,
Whatever your story,
I will be here.
To talk to you.
To help you.
To be your friend.
Just comment and say you wanna talk, and you know what? I'll talk to you.
And things will get better if something's wrong.
And you're never alone.
:]

Oh hai.

Guys.
This is me.
Sweet, right?
Sure.
Maybe.
I dunno.
I guess we'll just wait and see.
OKAY GOOD NIGHT FOR REAL THIS TIME BYE.

It's bedtime.

It's... Wait. You already know.
That's what my title says.
I'm silly.
But anyway, it's bedtime.
Because it's after midnight...
And I'm a dumbass...
Because I have school in the morning.
Fuck.
Oh well.
I mean, comment on this shit.
And tell me what to talk about.
If you think I should follow you on twitter or something.
Any comments.
ANY. Comments.
I'm not trying to be pushy.
It just happens.
Please?
Please.
PLEASE.
Post a comment.
Say something.
Anything.
And I swear.
We can be best friends.
If that's what you really want from this.
But you have to comment.
PLEASE.
The only thing I haven't done is got on my knees to beg.........
Maybe that's what I need to do....
I'm on my knees! I'm begging!
I mean... No. I'm cool.
Do whatever.
Link me to your blog.
I'll follow it.
Or your twitter.
Hell, even your tumblr.
Just comment.
Maybe?
Okay. Cool.
Thanks.
Maybe.
Bye.

For real. Talk to me.

I almost forgot, guys.
ALMOST being the key word there.[;

I'm almost always home.
When I'm not, I'm at school.
But if you ever wanna talk, please feel free to tell me!
I'm gonna use this as a social blog, unlike my old one.
(Which I may or may not have forgotten the password and or email for.... Whoops.)

If you think me talking about something would be funny, or even if you wanna know my view on something, go ahead and suggest I make a post about it. :]

I'm not the brightest crayon in the box.
So that'll help me, AND you get to see stuff about stuff you actually care about!
Win-win situation, right?
Right.
So yeah.
Comment something for me to talk about, or just say you wanna talk (about anything) and we'll get this blog rolling!

The hell?

How does one start a new blog?
It's quite challenging, thinking about how you want it to look, how you want to come across.
But that's what I'm here for; a challenge.
I haven't had much of a challenge lately.
It's about damn time.


Here are some "must knows" about me;
My name is Megan.
I like purple.
I like boys.
I love my best friend, Audrey.
I have dyed red hair.
I'm a senior at Hayes.
My parents aren't all that helpful.
I have an older sister.
I hate almost all my teachers.
My guidance counselor is a piece of shit.
I am blunt. 
I like music.


I plan on going to college. Eventually.
Who knows what will actually happen.
No one does.
And that makes me happy.
I don't like people. That's why I'm blunt.
You piss me off? I don't like you, anyway, so I'm gonna tell you about it.
The. End.


I'm listening to the Victorious soundtrack, because I love that show, and the songs are so damn catchy.... Even if they don't always make sense....


Oh well.
I think this is good enough for my first post.
Because fuck you if you wanted more. :]
Okay bye!